Social workers, doctors, teachers, and other mandatory reporters, are you listening?
I showed that staircase who was BOSS.
We left for Thanksgiving on Wednesday, traveling 3 hours to my mom's house for our early Thanksgiving there. Spent the night, woke up the next morning and went to my dad's. He was cooking up a storm and when the turkey finished earlier than he expected, he wrapped it in tin foil, wrapped that in a blanket, and stuck the whole thing in the world's oldest red cooler.
(I'm not being uncharacteristically descriptive. This is important to the story.)
Before dinner, the rest of my family showed up. My step-mom took out butcher paper and markers and let the kids color on the kitchen table. The little kids grew tired of it, and the big kids...my 19 year-old nephew Fred and his 18 year-old brother Rocky...sat down to color. These are really good boys, for real. They're funny and respectful and have good heads on their shoulders. (I feel this is also important to the story.)
They were having fun, so when my dad, asked for one of them to take the cooler back to the basement, I volunteered. I believe they were in the middle of a turkey drawing contest, and I wanted them to finish.
And that's when it happened.
I caught a step wrong on the landing of the basement stairs, and cooler and I decided to test gravity. It flew down the stairs and hit the wall, busting the top off.
As for me, I went face-first into a maneuver I've only seen in Top Gun flight scenes. I tried to stop myself by catching the upstairs cut-outs with my hand, but it didn't work. And, to make matters worse, my eyes were open the whole time, so I keep having flashbacks of a spinning wood-paneled staircase.
I landed at the bottom, glasses broken, holding my face. I wasn't sure if I was bleeding. No one heard me fall, despite the fact that Hoover and his same-aged cousin CW were down there playing video games. I had to call them over and send Hoover to get Disgruntled Husband.
(And while I was waiting, CW was trying to show me all the cool things on the 3DS he got for his birthday. I do feel kind of bad I wasn't more interested.)
The first one to the scene was Rocky, saying, "I knew I should have taken the cooler down!" Then, DH came down the stairs and helped me up.
When I got upstairs, people were shocked. No one heard me fall. My step-mom grabbed an ice pack for me and gave me some Advil. My dad asked me how many fingers he was holding up. Several times. My poor nephews felt horrible.
My eye started bruising immediately, and then swelling. My dad kept offering to take me to the ER. And then he chewed out my nephews. (Which *I* feel bad about. It wasn't their faults; it was an accident. But I saw that no matter if I was 3 or 33, no one messes with his daughter. If it wasn't so unnecessary, it would have been sweet.)
I went shopping the next day, scaring people at Deer Park shopping center. The next day, I scared people at Woodfield. I kept forgetting about my eye, until I caught a reflection or a pitied glance from a stranger.
(One especially pushy saleswoman at Soma kept looking at my eye, then my necklace, then back to my eye. Yes, lady, my husband bought me the necklace, right after he apologized and promised it would never happen again.)
(I have a friend who was in an abusive relationship and she's okay with that joke. And yes, she got out because she is way more intelligent than her ex-husband thought she was.)
Now that we're home, I refuse to leave the house. I live in a small town, and if I went out like this, no one would ask me questions, but instead start the rumors.
I took the picture above on Monday and sent it to my friend Mark, because you know, it's so pretty. (Or because I'm a klutz and he knows that.) His wife, a nurse, saw it, and said I should see a doctor.
I called yesterday morning and explained what happened, thinking they'd say don't bother coming in. Nope. That's the opposite of what they said. So at 10:45, I had an appointment, complete with skull x-rays.
Nothing is broken, just really ugly and bruised. (And I'm totally kicking myself that I didn't ask if I could keep one of the x-rays. It was AWESOME.)
And before anyone could question my story, I told the nurse (who knows my whole family), "I really did fall. Besides, you know I could totally take [DH]!"
I hope this heals soon, because I have some Christmas-related engagements on the calendar.
Oh, and before I left, my dad was giving us stuff from the basement, pointed to the infamous cooler and asked with a wink, "Need a cooler?"
Now, if you need me, I'll be inside my house googling extra strength concealer.
|This morning. It's way more yellow than it looks here. I feel like a bag of Skittles.|