Friday, March 30, 2012

Once-Removed

My feelings got hurt today in a big way.Yes, even The Snarky Mom has feelings.

Without getting too much into it (and therefore, giving my mother a heart attack), I will say this: there was miscommunication and a misconception about something that happened years ago with two of my cousins. I found out about it today, and am quite hurt no one thought to bring it to my attention earlier.

It's complete bullshit what it was about, and about 98% fabricated. Normally, this sort of thing rolls off my back. As long as I know what is right and true, I'm cool. Generally.

But this one spread like a verbal cancer, dirtying my name and reputation amongst my extended family. Extended family that, before today, I adored.

They live 1,000 miles away, and seeing my cousins was always a treat as a kid. I was in the younger set, and always looked up to the older set.

What was said was painful. What was assumed and not confirmed was horrendous. Who was at the root of all of it is absolutely heart-breaking.

Communication is big with me. As I just wrote to a friend yesterday, I like everyone getting along and open lines of communication. I like mis-understandings cleared up quickly and peace amongst those I associate with. Consider it the by-product of having divorced parents. I hate conflict and believe strongly that through communication, every one can be on the same page.

Sadly, not every one in my family believes the same.

I spent my morning sobbing. Not just crying, sobbing. How could two people that used to mean the world to me not only betray me, but think I actually did what they accuse me of? I called one of my favorite friends, L, who also happens to be cousins with me and these people. He helped make me feel better. L is truly a wonderful person who would do anything for me, and I love him dearly.

I just got out of the shower (after seriously considering just turning on SpongeBob for Mini Me and climbing into bed with a corkscrew and a bottle of white wine), where I had a moment of clarity.

It's not worth it.

They aren't worth it.

They aren't worth my tears or my sadness, because when it all comes down to it, they are both strangers to me. I have Facebook friends I met at parties ONCE that I know more about, and who know more about me, than these two. Just like my high school and college classmates, I keep in touch who I want to keep in touch with, and the rest are just names and faces I once knew.

And once upon a time, they were names and faces on some family vacations.

Strangers. They are just strangers. Mis-informed as they are, they are 1,000 miles away and probably don't even know my married last name. They aren't worth my time.

Here's to great moments of clarity about what matters - people like L - and what really doesn't.
 

2 comments:

  1. I hear you on this and I'm sorry your feelings were so hurt. I've had some really difficult interactions with cousins in recent months, and it makes me crazy because they're family and it's supposed to matter that we're related. But ultimately, does it really matter? I don't know; I feel torn on this because I feel like family bonds should bind us in a special way, even if we don't have much in common beyond being related, but that's not how it seems to work.

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  2. My own parents have threatened to help my ex get more custody of our daughter cause I didn't do exactly what they wanted. Family is complicated and painful. I'm coming to realize that truly those who are important to you treat you with respect and love. Thanks for writing this.

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