Monday, February 6, 2012

The Moron Chronicles: Don't Wake The Baby!

There's a show on Friday nights periodically called "What Would You Do?" Basically, it's a hidden camera show that puts actors doing socially horrible things to see how the real people respond.

It happened last night to ESM, only there were no cameras and actors. Only dumb people with no conscious whatsoever.

ESM (for those that don't remember, ESM stands for Even Snarkier Mom. She's my mentor, even though I was a mom first.) has a daughter C, who is 11 months old, and is pregnant again and due in June. She's efficient like that. Anyway, C is a great baby and ESM and her husband are absolutely in love with her, as they should be.

As it was told to me, last night ESM hosted her in-laws for a Super Bowl party. Actually, I'm not exactly sure if she invited them over or they just showed up, as they tend to do. Either way, they were there eating her food and been non-helpful.

(I'd also like to take this opportunity to tell all of you that ESM's pregnancy has not been easy. She's working full-time to begin with and still hasn't gained any weight. She was in the hospital 2 weeks ago because she still wasn't keeping anything down. She should be telling off anyone that isn't bringing her food or fanning her with a palm.)

Anyway, apparently, they had just put C down for the night. And then...ESM's mother-in-law woke the baby up.


Because she hadn't given her a kiss goodnight. Or goodbye. Whatever.

And then left. Without apologizing.

ESM and her husband (who turned out wonderfully, despite having a total nitwit for a mother) were up all night trying to get a baby back to sleep. It didn't work out so great.

You wake her, you stay up with her. I don't care WHERE you live.

And now, it's Monday morning. ESM is at the hospital for work, and her husband has a full day of meetings at his job. Meanwhile, somewhere in America, a mother-in-law is at work fully rested and clueless.

Now I don't condone violence, but if something unfortunate happened to ESM's mother-in-law, there's not a jury in this country that would convict based on the motive.

How freaking dumb do you have to be to wake a sleeping baby at the home of your son and your pregnant and sick daughter-in-law, eat their food, not offer to clean up, and then leave like you're mother and grandmother of the year?

I told ESM that if it were me, I'd be calling the mother-in-law in the middle of the night to come deal with the mess she made with C. Calling until she wakes up and answers. Repeatedly. "You want to kiss her goodnight? She's up now at 3 a.m., bitch!"

(Sorry for the language. There are just some crimes against moms that are inexcusable. I get all riled up.)

I'm off to make two phone calls...1.) to see if Starbucks delivers to my friend and 2.) to find out if I can rent a bouncer for her house. It's the gift that keeps on giving..


  1. Yes. That mother in law should be called, just for fun, randomly in the middle of night several times a week just so ESM can say, "Oh wait, we forgot to tell you goodnight."
    And then maybe they should move and not tell the inlaws the new address.

  2. call and hold the phone up to the crying baby's mouth. repeatedly. videotape it and then email it to m.i.l. she missed you. listen to her cry. aaaaw. bitch.

  3. It's the 11th Commandment - Thou shalt not wake a sleeping baby. Ever. WTF?