I'm here. Really.
I know I've been away for awhile without any explanation. Like I've explained in the past, I have a real life off the internet. And like any real life, it gets a little hairy sometimes.
Between all of Hoover's issues, my reunion freak out, and general adult issues, I've been left a little ragged.
Okay, a lot ragged.
Okay, it's a lot more than a lot ragged.
I was in a very dark place. Issues with myself, my marriage, and my kids all came together in one horrible gloomy November cloud. I think it's more of a mid-life crisis kind of problem, only not mid-life (because that would only have me living until I was 64, and I need to be around long enough to drive my kids crazy at their own houses).
|"I'm not crazy, M'Lynn. I've just been in a very bad mood for forty years."|
I was on a liquid diet for awhile of coffee and red wine. I lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. (Which normally would be awesome, but I wasn't trying to, which honestly, I've been waiting my whole life to say those words.)
I spent most of my time in bed. I couldn't face my blog because this is such a happy place. I felt like a traitor.
I've started coming out of it this week, thanks to some old friends and some good medication. But also, I've kinda sorta figured out a path for my life, and it involves going back to the ideals I had at 20-21. I think that was the hardest part of all of this; looking back at what I was going to do with my life and realizing I hadn't done it. As my friend D said, "You can't live in the past, so get over it." Blunt, but true.
I just thought I was having a bad day...for three weeks. It wasn't until I realized I didn't want to do Christmas that I figured out it was more than just a bad day. Christmastime is my most absolute favorite time of the year. And being a former RA, I know one of the signs of depression is loss of interest in normal activities. (Well, being an RA and all of those wrist-slitting depression commercials.)
So here I am, making cookies and trying to find the Christmas radio station on my sad little radio on the top of my fridge.
It's good to be back. Now, if I can only keep up the depression weight loss...