Friday, December 2, 2011

My friend Lexapro

Hi.

I'm here. Really.

I know I've been away for awhile without any explanation. Like I've explained in the past, I have a real life off the internet. And like any real life, it gets a little hairy sometimes.

Between all of Hoover's issues, my reunion freak out, and general adult issues, I've been left a little ragged.

Okay, a lot ragged.

Okay, it's a lot more than a lot ragged.

I was in a very dark place. Issues with myself, my marriage, and my kids all came together in one horrible gloomy November cloud. I think it's more of a mid-life crisis kind of problem, only not mid-life (because that would only have me living until I was 64, and I need to be around long enough to drive my kids crazy at their own houses).

"I'm not crazy, M'Lynn. I've just been in a very bad mood for forty years."


I was on a liquid diet for awhile of coffee and red wine. I lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. (Which normally would be awesome, but I wasn't trying to, which honestly, I've been waiting my whole life to say those words.)

I spent most of my time in bed. I couldn't face my blog because this is such a happy place. I felt like a traitor.

I've started coming out of it this week, thanks to some old friends and some good medication. But also, I've kinda sorta figured out a path for my life, and it involves going back to the ideals I had at 20-21. I think that was the hardest part of all of this; looking back at what I was going to do with my life and realizing I hadn't done it. As my friend D said, "You can't live in the past, so get over it." Blunt, but true.

I just thought I was having a bad day...for three weeks. It wasn't until I realized I didn't want to do Christmas that I figured out it was more than just a bad day. Christmastime is my most absolute favorite time of the year. And being a former RA, I know one of the signs of depression is loss of interest in normal activities. (Well, being an RA and all of those wrist-slitting depression commercials.)

So here I am, making cookies and trying to find the Christmas radio station on my sad little radio on the top of my fridge.

It's good to be back. Now, if I can only keep up the depression weight loss...

11 comments:

  1. Glad you found a new friend. I had a hard time getting the Thanksgiving spirit and someone peed on my Christmas/Hanukkah joy a bit this week. Instead of slapping them into next week (which is what I really wanted to do), I wrote about it in my blog. Made me feel better. May reaching out to your virtual friends make you feel better, too. Well, that and some meds. And red wine.

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  2. Sorry you have had a difficult time and I'm glad you're back!

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  3. Mamajulep here, too lazy to sign in under my google account... as you know, you and I have been simmering in the same pot for a while now. I'm thinking about you. I'm in robot mode so my kids can still enjoy the holiday -or what there will be of one.
    Here's to a new start in 2012! We only have 29 days to go!
    Kathy

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  4. Long time lurker, 1st time poster... the join of booze induced depression! Vicious cyle, watch out! Remember your goodness, your spirit and your purpose! <10lbs?! Not worth it! Stay strong... IF NOT YOU... then WHO?! xoxo

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  5. I'm glad you're back!! And love the Steel Magnolias reference. Crank up the Christmas music! I can recommend the Time Life treasury of Christmas music, as well as Sarah McLachlan's album (though the latter is actually pretty depressing, so maybe not).

    Just in case you guys will be in Chicago over Christmas, and you can make the time, it would be super rad to hang out. (We'll be there till Jan 11, but without a car.)

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  6. Thank you for your honesty and openness in sharing this with us. I also struggle with what seems to be winter depression. I can feel it starting to come on lately, too. Trying to keep busy and refocus on what's important!

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  7. I totally get how you were feeling. I was in a terrible mood but am slowly getting a little better. I was venting to a friend about everything that was going wrong in my life when I told her I was so frustrated with not losing weight that I had be tempted to purge a few times. Of course, she did the good girlfriend thing and threatened to beat the hell out of me if I did. I haven't.

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  8. Without my Lexapro and Wellbutrin, I couldn't function. Just saying you're not alone, and good for you for getting the help you need.

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  9. Hey - try some Celexa with a dash of Concerta and some Ativan, baby. It's the only way to decorate your internal Christmas Tree!
    Beans, with so much love! (you can add a pinch of Lyrica to this as well)

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  10. Lexapro is my friend too. Im glad it has helped you!

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