Balloons, Streamers, Party Hats, and Tampons

JDub texted me last week that a blessed event happened in her home.

Or maybe it was at the middle school.

[Note: Any men or other people that aren't ready to hear about the journey through womanhood, here's a site my friend Shannon created. Go read through this and have fun, because this post will not amuse you.]

Her eldest daughter and Rudy Huxtable now have something in common.

I asked her if she was going to "Woman's Day" like on The Cosby Show, and she said she had promised O. that when it happened, they'd go to dinner or something to celebrate. She just didn't plan on it happening on her other daughter's birthday.

All of this talk from JDub bewildered me. Like when I was a kid watching Rudy and Claire have "Woman Day," I thought it was only something dreamed up by Hollywood writers. People not only talked about when this happened for the first time, but celebrated it like it was a big deal? Wow.

When I was a kid in junior high, my parents were going through a divorce. I had never mentioned words like sex, puberty, tampons anywhere except at school or on the phone with my friends. So I figured when my time came (like it was a death), I would just take care of it myself. I was in walking distance to a convenience store, plus there was the school nurse and stealing from my friends' bathrooms.

And this would have been all fine and good, if my mother hadn't decided to take me bra shopping at JC Penney's and wrap up the whole trip with a nervously said statement of, "When you get your period, I want you to tell me about it."

Crap. Who told her about periods?!

So when that day did come, I did tell my mom. Because I was supposed to.

What? No ribbon?

There was no dinner out. No special celebration. Just a package of maxi-pads in my room.

I asked JDub if, on their Womanly meal together, would they eat all red foods. She laughed and said she feels badly for Mini Me when it's her turn to become a woman. I think I'd have to agree.

And then JDub told me her husband gave O a high five, like "Way to menstruate!" I almost gagged.

I mean, it's awesome that dads are involved like this. It just brought back a memory of a car ride about three days after I told my mom the anticipated news. Like I said, my parents were in the middle of a divorce and we (my brother and I) were with my dad. He was like the 2nd person in the world with a car phone, and he was talking to my mom. All I heard was his end of the conversation, and it was enough.

Oh really? Okay. Have you talked to her about it? Okay then.

And then I spent another 20 minutes in the car avoiding eye-contact with him.

As a mom of a daughter, I look to JDub and other moms like her that definitely handle this topic well. I hope in 8-10 years, I have enough knowledge to handle MM's Woman party as well as JDub has.

But my party will involve maraschino cherries, red jello, cocktail sauce, and stewed tomatoes. Because I just can't be a good mom without a little daughter pubescent humiliation.

You know, something she can recall in horror someday when she's an adult.