When life gives you lemon bars...

We're going on vacation in 2 weeks, seeing family I haven't seen since I was pregnant with Mini Me. After that, a few weeks later, I'm going to my 10th college reunion, which I wrote about here. My plans to be a mere shadow of my former self are not going well.

The only thing I've lost is my dieting direction, and perhaps my common sense.

I just can't seem to get it together. On one hand, I see everyone out there looking slim and fabulous and think, "Duh, Jessica, it can't be that hard." But in the other hand is a tray of lemon bars. And I love lemon bars.

I'm a contradiction to myself.

Most recently, I tried my bacon-wrapped hand at Atkins. I've done Atkins before with varying degree of success. What I like about it is there is very little guess work. Carbs are bad. Don't eat them. Done.

The problem with this diet is that after my weekly groceries are all eaten up, in 4 days, I go into one of two modes: not to eat anything because all the low carb stuff is gone, or carb-envy, which generally ends with, again, a tray of lemon bars.

Quit mocking me with your lemon curd-y goodness.

With Atkins, you gain weight back very quickly, which really doesn't matter this time around, since I didn't lose hardly anything to begin with.

I had good success with this diet my last year of college. You know, back when I only had to shop for myself and didn't have to deal with kids (or the body that had them) and when Disgruntled Husband was Disgruntled Fiance and was 6 hours away with his Little Debbie snack-loving, high metabolism.

So it looks like I'm going to have to do this the old fashioned way, with illegal amphetamines. (Kidding...unless you have some you are willing to share...)

Diet and exercise. Groan. I did it well in the early parts of 2010, I wonder if I can harness some of that determination again. I did it on my own, with out any program, just a weight loss blog I wrote. I may open a section of this blog dedicated to this side of my life, but I haven't decided just yet.

(I live in the boonies, and we only have Weight Watchers. I like Weight Watchers, but I don't like the lady that runs the one here. No one I know does. Maybe we should let Weight Watchers corporate know this and they would have more people from this area join. Or maybe I just don't care enough to do anything about it.)

(I also don't understand Spark People and it seems to take up too much time, mind space, and energy. Like an online cult. Wish it was more user-friendly)

It's high time I stop kidding myself. Online shopping to Sephora is only going to get me so far. They just haven't come out with that magic make-up that erases your double chin. I keep checking.

So readers, please help me. I need your best eating healthy/exercise tip. Or a bottle of Black Beauties.