Thursday, March 24, 2011

Wisconsin Ink

Back in the fall, Disgruntled Husband won a poker tournament. DH wins lots of poker tournaments, but this one was an advertised one in the local paper, complete with trophy and "prize" package. His picture was in the paper and he came home with his trophy and a manila envelope full of loot.

Now, I don't know what I was expecting as far as the first place prize. Maybe I was expecting cash. Maybe I was expecting something like a weekend at a resort with an indoor waterpark (there are lots of those prize packages around here). Maybe I should have kept in mind this was a poker tournament, where only the creme de la creme of the community participates.

Here's a run down of the prize package:
(some of this was actually awesome and useful)
- $50 to the local bowling alley (DH used for a month's worth of chili lunches)
-$25 to the local laundry/dry cleaning service (DH used to clean the above-mentioned chili off his suit)
- $15 to a local bar (For drinks only. DH used one night while playing poker.)
- $25 to the local antique mall (this expired before I could use it. Bummer.)
-2 one-night stays at the local Ramada in a whirlpool suite, Monday - Thursday only (Haven't used yet.)
and the capstone to this marvelous prize package:
-$100 to the local tattoo parlor, which expires on April 1st.

My problem is this last item. DH is an attorney. And I know some attorneys have tattoos, but DH isn't one of them. And thanks to a fear of needles and a case of mitral valve prolapse - which means he has to take penicillin before any dental work or other things that causes one to bleed - he will never get a tattoo.

That's fine with me. Oh, I have nothing wrong with tattoos. Heck, I have a tattoo. But DH is 145 pounds sopping wet, pale, and a little squeamish. If he ever were to try to get a tattoo, I'm sure there's be an ambulance involved.

So, there's the gift certificate. And it expires in about a week. And because I'm cheap, I want someone to use it. I offered it my brother, and he can't get up here in time. I've offered it to my local beautician's son, through her, and she told me not to go near her son with promises of a tattoo.

Gum, candy, magazines, tramp-stamp...oh, I've been good. I'll take the tramp-stamp.

I put it on Facebook last night, in hopes of maybe selling it for less-than face value. So far, I have two responses from my friend AM talking about how horrible Craigslist is and grammar, and one from my friend N asking why I don't take it for myself.

I thought about using it myself, but I couldn't decide if I wanted to use it because I wanted a new tattoo or because I didn't want it to go to waste. I was more the latter than the former, and try as I may, I just can't justify a tattoo as an impulse item.

(In my head, I'm imagining a mom with her kids at the grocery store, standing in line. "Hmmm. Should I get the Mentos or the permanent tattoo today? Oh what the hell, put the butterfly on the ankle in the cart.")

I would like to sell the tattoo gift certificate. There's nothing on there that says I can't. It's not like I expect full face value for the thing. I just feel like the $75 I'd get from it would go further in my gas tank than on my shoulder blade.

But I can't find any buyers. And honestly, I'm a little scared of the people that would respond on Craigslist. (Again, I have a tattoo, but come on, even if you have a tattoo, everyone knows someone sketchy that also has tattoos.)

I thought about asking DH if he'd put the offer on his pre-screening questionnaire for his clients, but that would probably be in bad taste.

Quite honestly, I'd love to sell it to someone I know. But not too many people in the small-town Mom Circle is looking to get inked, and intricately at that. ($100 at a tattoo parlor has to go a bit further than my own 1" seahorse on my foot, right?)

I'm now faced with the real possibility of no one buying or even just taking my gift certificate. This pains me. So now I'm revisiting the idea of maybe getting another tattoo. But what would I get? And where? There are only so many parts on me that would make for a smooth, unjiggly canvas.

On behalf of the tattoo artist that would have to work on such a place, I beg of you. Someone, come to Wisconsin and take this off my hands!


  1. hmmmmmm ... what should I get?

  2. Put in on Craig's List!! You can weed out the freaks and meth heads pretty easily because they generally can't spell.

    Or, go on Pinterest and do a search on tattooos -- there are some great girl-tattoos there; maybe you'll be inspired!

  3. HA:) I say use it yourself. If I was in Wisconsin I would totally take it! Get a toe ring.

    and I love that he won money to bowl!

  4. $100 at a tattoo parlor doesn't usually but anything too intricate. It's about a half hour of inking, so it'd be something small. Unless the artists in WI work cheaper than IL or IN.

  5. Er, BUY anything to intricate.

  6. Why not just have them expand your seahorse? Maybe add a little more embellishment to it or around it? Or maybe your kids' initials?

  7. Get the kids' names on your shoulder blade. Don't let it go to waste!