The Price is Wrong

I've always wanted to go to L.A. for two weeks and do the game-show circuit. You know, a little Jeopardy!, a stop by Wheel of Fortune, and maybe even a stint at one of the obscure game shows on the Game Show network. Aside from paying 40% taxes on what I rake in, it could be a fun and profitable vacation.

However, something I read today in the newspaper makes me think the game show industry is going down hill, fast.

The Price is Right is giving away a trip to the Dells. In the Showcase Showdown.

To quote the girls, "WHUCK?"

This offends me on so many fronts. First of all, the Showcase Showdown is pretty much sacred in the grand finales of game show history. People win boats, trips to Europe, Brazil, Aruba, experiences of a lifetime. Which brings me to my second point, It's the frickin' Dells.

For those not familiar with "The Dells," please climb up from under your rock to let me tell you the propaganda, as developed by the Wisconsin Dells Visitor and Convention Bureau. The Dells, which is short for Wisconsin Dells, is the self-proclaimed Waterpark Capital of the World. There are 42 waterparks there, many HUGE resorts, a lot of dying Mom and Pop motels, t-shirt shops, Tommy Bartlett show, Duck rides, and of course, Illinios tourist riff-raff.

This is the place you go for a weekend's break from Schaumburg or Prior Lake. Not a vacation to be featured on The Price is Right.

Who'd want to go on an all-expenses paid trip to Rio, when you could come HERE instead?!

Can you imagine being that unlucky contestant?

Okay, Ned, you've passed on the first Showcase, which was a a yacht trip around South America and a new car for when you return home, so here's your Showcase! Charlie, tell him what he's bidding on!

Well, Drew, it's a trip to Wisconsin Dells! Complete with tickets to the Tommy Bartlett water ski show, a week's stay in the interstate-adjacent Kalahari resort, and as many tacky souvenirs as you can carry! And did we mention that it's in south-central Wisconsin?! Located near no major airports, body of water, or Red Lobster.

I think I'd punch out Drew, and then call Bob Barker out and punch him too. After I'd spayed and neutered my pet, of course.

For those still confused with what the Dells are, remember a few years ago when a big lake drained into a river, taking 4 houses with it? That's where I'm talking about. (I hear a collective "Oh!" across the internet.)

The first time I'd ever been to the Dells, I was pregnant with Larry Potter. My step-sisters did two trips within 4 months to what is now Mt. Olympus. (Side note: what isn't Mt. Olympus at this point?) The first time, it was winter and we went to an indoor waterpark. I didn't think much of it. The second time, it was summer and as soon as I got off the interstate, I saw what could only be described as the Grand Strand of Myrtle Beach, except no beach.


The Dells is fine for a family vacation. It's like that movie "The Great Outdoors" only with commercialism, waterslides, and four exits off the Interstate. (Madison, our state capital, only has three.) Want to eat a steak as big as your head? Go for it. Want to ride a boat and hear Native American folklore about the rock formations? Have at it. Want to spend a week in a hotel room that rivals the cost of Disney World, without it being Florida? Whatever blows your dress up. 

But to choose an all-expenses paid trip to the Dells over, say, a trip to Greece or an Alaskan cruise? Are they letting Drew "I love me some cheese" Carey pick the prizes? Some one at The Price is Right is smoking something good.