Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Target Practice

...And how was everyone's Thanksgiving?

We drove, we ate, we drove again, we ate some more. And then we shopped. And by "we" I mean me and my step-mom, step-sisters, sister-in-law, and two nieces.

We did NOT get up at the crack of night to hit the sales, but we did hit Woodfield Mall on the busiest day of the year. Because we're crazy like that. I love me some Woodfield, but because of the ages of my kids and my holiday work discount elsewhere, the few things I bought at Woodfield were all for moi. Merry Christmas to me.

And then there was Target. I don't have a Target, so I always am up for a Target run when I'm down in the burbs. On Black Friday though, it's a whole new ballgame. And there needs to be rules.

Hey lady, you mind not committing a misdemeanor with cart full of Dora?
Rules for Shopping at Target (or any big box store) during Christmas/Hanukkah/Festivus-time:
1.) Only bring your children if you are shopping for dog food. With the exception of my nieces, every kid in that store was whiny and crabby. And their parents were worse. Guess what? If you want a pleasant shopping experience at this time of year, spring for a sitter or find a relative to leave them with. NO one wants my kids in a large store Christmas shopping, and I'm pretty sure they won't want yours there, either.
It's not the kids' fault. If I bring my kids to a toy store, I expect them to ask for things. Save your after-school special speech on giving for later. They are KIDS.

2.) If you insist on shoving two carts-worth of crap into one cart, at least organize it strategically. This after I almost lost a vital organ to a lady whose cart was so full, she couldn't tell she almost disemboweled me with a snowboard. When Target gets either stoplights or corner mirrors, go hog wild with your piling. Until then, you need to be able to see over the cart and 5 feet past it.

3.) Pay with cash. No, I'm not going on a Dave Ramsey-esque spiel (though I do agree with him on most things), but this is more for your own sanity. Slide card. Enter PIN. Your purchase is $58.97. Is this correct? Press Yes. Do you want this all on this card? Press Yes. Do you want cash back? Press No. What's your favorite color? Press Red. How many fingers am I holding up behind my back? Press Three. How do you like my new keyboard? Press It's Fine. Can I get you a cup of coffee? Press No.

But, if you pay with cash, you a.) make the cashier do his or her job and b.) are not interrogated by a machine. It's win-win.

4.) I know the Christmas displays are pretty and festive and are supposed to make you want to buy stuff, but I honestly don't think there's any family or single adult past the age of 25 that needs more Christmas lights. Who buys them? Are they buying them and then throwing them out December 26th each year? I replaced most of ours with the new-fangled LED lights two years ago, and even then only bought 3 boxes. I'm not judging you, I actually want to know what you do with them year to year. Tell me!

5.) This one's for Target themselves. Hey Target. If it's Black Friday and you have deals on video games and TVs, could you make sure there's more than two people on in that department? Because one guy is always on break, and the other is trying to explain to Grandpa that a Wii game won't work with an X-box.

Coming up soon...teenage lingerie and the store I will never let my daughter go into. Ever.


  1. um, yeah, those people buying lights every year? Guilty. For some reason, M will put lights on the whole tree and then plug it in to realize one of lights is burned out. Enter about 2 hours of me insisting that I WILL find the single bulb that just needs to be replace to fix the whole mess, accompanied by him getting more and more agitated as I pull out and replace each tiny bulb on the unlit string until he finally goes out to buy a new string...which then doesn't match the existing strings. Apparently, different companies use different colors, and we're both just anal enough for this to be a problem, so he'll go out again and buy more. Repeat again next year because we don't learn. So there.

    PS - and what do we do with all of them? Landfill. Sad but true. maybe one year I'll create some sort of "found art" with them, but really? There are enough unfinished projects in my house to add this one to the list. :)

  2. JSM - It took me 5 minutes to figure out who you are. But your "PS" helped. :)

    I didn't think any of the new lights (new = 1990 or after) had the whole one light burning out problem. Interesting.

  3. Hurray for rampant consumerism and running in hoards to the big box stores because the commercials told us to! If the kids are crying at the store, it's because this whole Black Friday situation is effed up and they know it.

  4. If they don't have that problem, and it really is the case that the whole string is shot each year, that sucks even more.