Bad, bad thoughts

My friend, the lovely Jen, wrote in her blog today about her bad day. Make that days. She is a spectacular mom that could out-mother me in just about every way...and she's due with #5. I have three kids and am not pregnant and I'm still a way bigger bitch not nice person than she is.

So when she called me today about a customer of hers that called her before 8 a.m. to chew her out, then later sending an even snarkier e-mail, I couldn't just let it go. Listen lady, my friend has enough tact to only think about where you should go, but I don't. I commented on Jen's blog, but it may not make it to human consumption...my thoughts to this lady are that bad.

And that got me thinking. What have you put out in the universe? Because I know that if Karma is real, I have a lot of really cruel, yet funny, yet deserving comments (and other things) coming my way.

For example, during the last election, a lady wrote our local paper (which I used to work for) the most racist and ignorant letter I've ever read. So, I did a little internet sleuthing (thanks newspaper for making everyone use their real name and city) and found this lady's address. I also found a free offer for a subscription to Vibe Magazine online. Marry the two, and this lady has a monthly dose of multi-cultural awareness coming her way. And it was a free subscription, as to not commit mail fraud.

(I know a lady who's husband was working in the lodging industry and he had a boss that thought he was God's gift to...well...humanity. He cut her husband's hours so drastically that he had zero hours left...with a wife and child to support. My friend was so mad that she may or may not have sent him a Playboy subscription. Marked "Bill Me Later." To his work. We heard he left under strange circumstances about 6-8 weeks later...)

Years ago, my own mother was screwed over not treated appropriately by a shady establishment. I was so upset, that I told my mom that I hoped he got some very painful penile infection. My conservative Christian mom was silent. Uh oh I thought. Now I've done it. And then there was laughter. Lots of it. She told her like-minded friends too. I know God wants to deal with revenge His way, but I'm sure he takes suggestions.

And then there was the lady from the insurance company that was either on the worst yeast infection in history or would soon have one, if it were up to me. (Again, that Celestial Suggestion...)

So, to this lady that so wrongfully wronged Jen, I have this to say: You're lucky she won't tell me your name, address, or email. Otherwise you would have some sort of suggestion from the universe as to how you could better spend your time. Like maybe a free sample of hemorrhoid cream or an online consultation about your cleansing colonic. Just off the top of my head.

(Note: Seriously, I'd like to hear what you have said/done in a moment of personal snarky triumph. Best comment gets...uh....a truly weird free thing I can find on the internet for you! Who are all of you reading? Say hi at least!)