Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Holiday Disorentiation

I had to go to Walmart tonight to buy a birthday present and supplies for Hoover. He'll be 5 on Thursday and is having a small little party. Since it's August, we're having a water party. Except Walmart is out of water guns. And water balloons. And just about everything else summer-related. And in it's place...

(Anyone...anyone want to harbor a guess?)


Okay, well, maybe not like the lights and fake snow and crap, but remember, I was in the toy department. They were starting to neatly stack rows and rows of Legos where the summer toys were. That means that is a seasonal row. And what's the season of Legos? Here comes Santa Claus...

(I know this because last year I was indoctinated into the Lego cult that sweeps the nation every Christmas. Larry Potter started on Legos, and those suckers aren't cheap.)

A second offense at the check out - and I'm not counting the 20 check-out lanes with only 3 open. The next lane over from me was a magazine. A "Betty Crocker Thanksgiving" magazine. To quote one of my favorite blogs, I about lost my Schmidt.

If I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt, I should NOT be seeing ANYTHING referencing a national holiday more than three months away. I just tried to google it to see if I could provide a picture for you all, and though I didn't find a picture, I found a quote on the Betty Crocker website.

"Serving up a big family dinner is a lot easier if you shop early for items that can be bought ahead, such as canned pumpkin and cranberries," says Jennifer, Assistant Manager of Food Content Strategy.

I'm pretty sure this isn't what Jennifer was talking about.

I am so not ready for this. I'm already considering taking out a small loan for school supplies and clothes, so why bombard me with thoughts of more expensive (and stressful) things to come?

If Wally world (or, as my friend's husband refers to it - Wally Martinez) is all about getting ready for the holiday rush 3-4 months ahead of time, I propose equal treatment for ALL holidays. Imagine, if you will:

-Valentine's Day decor starting the 1st week of November
-Easter Candy during December
-4th of July items around the 3rd of March

There's a poem by Shel Silverstein that I loved as a kid. I don't remember it exactly, but it ends with "No one loves a Christmas Tree on March the twenty-fifth."

We're not too far from that. It's August folks. Give it a decade. I contend it will be Christmas starting the first day of Spring in Walmart. I remember it was a monstrosity when I was a kid to have Christmas stuff at the stores before Halloween.

Speaking of which, those costumes should be coming out soon...


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  2. I totally agree! Costco's rows and rows of furniture are slowly being overtaken by rows of toys. Toys that they only have there at Christmas. SCHOOL HASN'T EVEN STARTED! I wanted to yell at someone. Good post Jess.

  3. I love the names you gave the kids! But...in some's defense...it was hard to find canned pumpkin last year because of the shortage. I'm just sayin'