Friday, August 27, 2010

Hair. Less of it.

Is it bad when you bring in a picture to your hairdresser, and that picture happens to be one of the NJ Housewives?

Luckily, my stylist didn't know who Caroline Manzo is, so there was no judgement. But my friend Jenny W (forever known here now as JW) does know, printed the picture out for me, and didn't judge me one bit for wanting my hair like hers.

At least to my face.

Her family, I hear, has other opinions. Apparently, on her way out of the house with the picture, she showed it to her husband and kids and explained it was for me. And then asked, "Should I get my hair cut like that?"

Let's just say that there was a unanimous vote and some words I can't print here in good conscious. (Edited to say, my own husband's response was even worse. He wants to be married to the 22 year-old he met. And, he said, he remembered we had a lot more...alone time...back then. I quickly pointed out that back then, I was married to a 25 year-old manboy, and perhaps his 34 year-old self should reassess his position.)

So apparently, in the W fam, it's okay for Mean Jessica (MJ - that's me) to go around looking like a reality show freak, but not their mom.

The cut is cute, in my opinion, I'm just not sure it belongs on me. First of all, please understand that I have naturally thick red hair. The longer it gets, the thinner it becomes, but just as soon as it gets short, it's like perm day at the doggie salon. And I don't have curly hair. It's that thick. I should have remembered this.

This isn't my first venture into short hair. My first short hair-do was as a little kid...I think I was 3. The pictures from that summer look like Ma and Pa had two boys instead of the "bookends" my dad likes to call us. I'm not sure why I was given the same haircut as my 8 month-old brother. My mom may say it's what I wanted. Mini-Me is 3 and there's no way she'd get that hair cut unless there was a parasite involved.

I also had short hair in 3rd grade. I thought it looked cute, but my dad must have had other opinions, as this was the reason why I given permission to get my ears pierced...something that was not going to happen before this haircut.

My hair has gone to varying degrees of length over the years, always hitting one extreme or the other. So when I went in for this haircut, the frayed-paintbrush look slipped my mind.

That thought came back in a hurry.

A few years ago when I ventured into k.d.lang territory, I did my hair how I thought looked good. Until my co-worker and friend Nichole pointed out that I looked like Wolverine. But, she's a nice person and even though she pointed this out (and was completely right), she had me bring a curling iron to work the next day and taught me how to do my hair. I wish I had more of these lessons.

Now, instead of Wolverine, it's a sad mix of Caroline Manzo and Reba. Both cute looks...but not together. (Confession...this is the actual picture of Caroline that I brought into the Kutting Room.)

(Another confession: it was Larry Potter that pointed out I look like Reba. And he didn't mean it as a compliment.)

The desperation has gone so far as me writing to Caroline, asking for help doing her hair. Is that mousse I smell or a restraining order?

And, since she still hasn't responded (it's been a day...come on Mrs. Manzo...), I went to Borders tonight looking for a book on how to do short hair. From my naked, untrained eye, this book does not exist. Or any book on doing hair, for that matter.

(I'm such a geek, I'm trying to research a hairdo.)

I'm asking my dear readers, and I know you're out! Make this work one way or another. Links, instructions, step-by-step pictures....anything! My hair self-esteem depends on it!


  1. Okay, that "real housewife" has total mom hair, and even though you are in fact a mom, you are too young for that hairstyle, I think. But take heart! Short hair can work and all you really need to do is unfrizz it, tousle it, and then rock some smokey black eyeshadow.

    I can recommend 2 products for less-frizzy hair: Super Skinny Serum from Paul Mitchel, and Bed Head Manipulator. The former when your hair is still damp, and the latter after you blow-dry. Both of them are kind of pricey but you need so little that you can totally buy the tiny size of either and they'll last you a long time.

  2. Or... and this is just thought... you could start growing it out again... post haste... now... immediately... HURRY!

    Love, disgruntled husband.

  3. I want to be JDub! I thought it looked really cute that day. Although I cannot recall how she did it. How about highlights, I know more about that. ; )

  4. LOL. Oh Jess I love you. I say we plan a "mom" night to do hair and nails and other 12 year old like things... Sigh to be 12 again....wait nope 17 was way more fun.