Friday, August 13, 2010

Annoying Awareness, there needs to be a self-help book

I've had an awakening of sorts, and it was painful.

My mother brought me old home movies converted from VHS to DVD. Last night I started watching them, and I continued this morning. I have come up with the following revelations:
- The 80s had a lot to be desired as far as children's wardrobe
- My brother actually was a cute kid
- I was so annoying, I could have punched myself in the face.

It's this third bullet point that pains me the most.

Of all the annoying kids I've eve met or given birth to, I was by far the most annoying. Maybe it's the nasal Fran Drescher voice (seriously, Mom and Dad, why didn't you have that looked into? It's not NORMAL!), maybe it's the need to make a horrible face every time the camera was on me, or the CONSTANT need to talk over and upstage whomever else was on camera at the time. I give my parents lots of credit for not throwing me across a room.

It would be different if it were just in one video or even a scene of a video. No, it's a constant theme, and the older I get in the home movies, the worse it is. FYI, the years between 1988 and 1991 were especially offensive and these movies should be buried with a septic system.

Because I swore to my mother on my ever-dwindling inheritance that I would not post any of these, I won't. You're just going to have to take my word for it.

For example, there's a scene with my cousins when they were visiting for Thanksgiving. I was an early reader, and I decided to read everyone a bedtime story. For some reason, maybe it was the novelty of having a new state-of-the-art 20lb video camera, this was filmed. It was me in a chair reading to my minions - er, brother and cousins, and them all listening intently on the floor around me. At one point, the camera dares to get off of me and focuses on a cousin. I stop the story and say, "Um, don't you want to film ME reading?" OMG. Throw that girl out a window.

But, there's a more disturbing phenomenon I'm realizing. For as absolutely throat-slitting annoying as I am, there is another person that could give me a run for my money. My eldest son, Larry Potter. He drives me up a wall and unfortunately, I am not as patient as my parents were with me on this issue.

It's terrible of me to say, but LP has been at my in-laws this week and it's been...refreshing. I'm a bad, bad mommy.

I've hear it said that the people that tick you off the most do so because they have the same personality traits you do. Well, sign us up for a paid study, because I just proved the apple doesn't fall far from the very annoying tree.

::Sigh:: I hate it when I prove my dad right.

So, what can I do about it? Well, for starters, I can be as caring and patient as my parents were to me, as evidenced in these movies. Either they really could see the picture of things or they were hitting the ganja when the camera wasn't on them, because they took it all really, really well.

My money's on Mary Jane. ;)

[Note: One other realization was that I've had the same hairstyle since 2nd grade, the only things that vary were the length and the presence of bangs. I am in SERIOUS need of a new hairstyle or need a class to show me how to style my hair as an adult. Long hair's cool and all, but I can't exactly get away with a french braid at 31. Help?]


  1. You crack me up. And I totally agree about the annoying people who get on your nerves are mirroring something in yourself... I am constantly realizing this about myself (that I'm as annoying as ____, since he/she is annoying me!)

  2. A few realizations of my own:

    1. If I were to have children right now, they'd be adorable and complete menaces to society. And they'd get away with it because they would be so damn cute.

    2. That being said, I remember myself as a child, and not through rose-colored glasses. I fear for myself if I ever have a daughter...

    3. Next time you're here, I will help you pick out a new hairstyle.